Is it okay not to crave for ice cream or chocolate at 2a.m like others but to crave for peace, affection, solution to all your problems?
Is it okay not to tell anyone and stay cool when you’re going through an anxiety attack in the middle of the day?
Is it okay to tell you’re happy when actually you’re dying inside?
Is it okay to cry every night and give excuse of your swollen eyes that you couldn’t sleep properly?
It is okay not to feel okay at all?
Source: Love…
How does it feel when your heart gets broken specially when you didn’t thought it would. The type of breakdown I’m talking about is where you feel like you’re dead, you feel an ache in your heart and you feel weak in your knees so you just sit down where ever you are. You’re unable to hear anything, your brain, it stops working and you feel numb, completely numb. Tears start streaming down your face because you can’t just hold them back anymore. There’s this silent cry where your face makes no experssion but tears keeps coming out. At that moment you feel like you’re gonna give up on life any moment. You don’t wanna be surrounded by any human you just want yourself alone with your destructive thoughts. Slowly that silent cry turns into screaming. You scream out a loud that you feel the same pain in your chest but you don’t care at that moment. You’re fighting with your heart for not accepting what your brain has already accepted. You put your hand around your stomach and one hand on your mouth so you can stop yourself from screaming. There’s this flashback of every memory going on in front of your blury eyes. In that moment you realize that every promise made was a lie. Every action of love made was just to take your trust so that they can destory it later. At that moment you curse yourself a lot and you’re still stuck at; cursing your self for not being good enough and other than that cursing your self for being a fool all the time because still you’re unable to accept the reality. So you keep on crying and crying. Warm tears runing down your face and you’re just sitting on that bathroom floor cursing yourself and crying and you don’t care about anything. In that moment you make so many decisions, comes to so many conclusions but all in vain because at that moment you hate your self for being alive, for being stupid, for starting all this, for trusting so easily, for not being good enough. You feel worthless and useless. Then when you end up crying over all this then you cry again, for your own self, Thats the moment where you just feel someone could hold you and tell you that everything is gonna be okay but then you don’t trust anyone now because the one you thought would never break your heart, that person just did. That person killed just all your love, all your care, all your feelings. But then thats what you think because months ago or maybe years ago you won’t be able to shed a single tear over this same reason. But right now you don’t want to accept the reality because you’re too broken to feel anything. In that moment you question yourself a lot, About why and how are you like this. How can that person betray you to whom you gave your everything because that person was your everything. You ask God so many questions you start comparing yourself with others when you know you don’t have to but you just do because in that moment you don’t feel alive. You even complain God for not loving you enough for not making you good enough so that you didn’t have to feel this way. So again you cry, You cry a lot for everything, for that person, for that person not being with you when you wanted to, for yourself and for everything and at the same moment for nothing but you just cry a lot, thinking its the last time you’re crying but than more tears come out when you think of ‘last time’, when you think of everything is over and you’re not gonna be the same, you cry over how much you’re gonna miss everything and how the memories won’t fade away. So you just cry and cry and cry…
What I wanna be..?
As a kid when you grow up and see different people doing different things so you think of becoming one because they fasinated you so much so you start setting your dreams. Then you grow up and become mature and understand things more keenly and come to know every detail about the profession you chose as a child. Some people set their dreams again and leave what they once wanted to be and some stay on what they decided as a child. In today’s society no child is free to dream what they want to anyway. They never really get the chance to become what they want to because life has been so tough and you can’t survive unless you have a great job and earning well. So in a race to “who survive’s better” you forget to dream, to live for your own self like to take out some time for your own self, free from everything just be for your own self there and do what you like, what you always wanted to do but didn’t got time to or maybe you didn’t have the courage or you thought what society will say. So you can free your mind from all these thoughts and enjoy your very own personal life do something for your ownself which makes you happy no matter what it is unless its something ilegal or something that can make you a sinner. Those were the old times where life wasn’t tough and people were not after something. They lived their life in peace. I am not saying that we don’t have to work hard or something but we should not kill a person inside us who do nothing but dream. To me dreaming is beautiful and making it come true is most beautiful thing ever. As a kid I wanted to be so many things. I wanted to become a Pilot, I thought I’d do anything for it but then I also wanted to be an Artistand by artist I really mean an artist not someone who can just draw. In todays world the person who knows how to draw is called an artist or they call themself artist but what they don’t understand is an artist is someone that if he draws it should seem like real by real I really mean real which you think will move or come out of the frame any mintue. An artist is someone who knows the art to convey any messege through his drawing. An artist who’s deep and have so much hidden in himself and the only way he let it out is through his art. Art is magic everybody gets fasinated by it but art is a masterpiece messege and not everybody have the power or sense to understand it. So to me I think its the most difficult thing to be artist. Yet people say its nothing good in being an artist you won’t be able to earn but who wants to earn by being an artist? not everything we do, we do it for money. Sometimes you must do something for your own sake of happiness. Something which helps you in healing, soothes your soul. So I wish to be an Artist, hope it comes true.
Love…
love is everything yet many things. I believe there are different kinds of love like every person loves differently and have diffrent prescriptives on love. Love is everywhere yet nowehre to be found. There isn’t really a specific definition for love or I couldn’t find one maybe. Because there are some feelings you cannot just describe them like no matter how hard you try you just can’t put them in words. That is love. For some people love is getting married and taking care of your family because its your duty and you have to. For some love is when you can’t think about living without eachother. For some love is getting layed with your partner because you think thats right. For some love is nothing, they don’t believe it and say “love doesn’t exist”. So many people with so many prescriptives. What I believe is people love according…
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Love…
love is everything yet many things. I believe there are different kinds of love like every person loves differently and have diffrent prescriptives on love. Love is everywhere yet nowehre to be found. There isn’t really a specific definition for love or I couldn’t find one maybe. Because there are some feelings you cannot just describe them like no matter how hard you try you just can’t put them in words. That is love. For some people love is getting married and taking care of your family because its your duty and you have to. For some love is when you can’t think about living without eachother. For some love is getting layed with your partner because you think thats right. For some love is nothing, they don’t believe it and say “love doesn’t exist”. So many people with so many prescriptives. What I believe is people love according to their nature or maybe how they wanna be loved. For me, I still think love exists and its beautifully dangerous yet the best feeling. Like to be in love or being loved. When you know no matter what there is a person you can always count on. Someone who can never and will never betray you no matter what that person will be with you seeing you growing up and helping you in every possible way to make you grow to make you learn so much to make your attitude postive towards things you don’t want to do or you’re scared you’re gonna mess up but you know that with that person you can try anything and everything because that someone is your light and your postive vibe from where you get your energy and that person encourages you and tells you that you can definately do it when you’re scared you can’t. Someone who can change your can’ts into cans. The person you’re not scared to tell anything because you know that person will no matter what won’t judge you instead will correct you if you’re wrong or will give you an applause if you did something good. Love is when you know that no matter what nobody can ever replace them because that person holds a very special place in your heart and in your life. Love is when you tell a person you love them and want to spend your whole life with them so you actually do that, you marry that person. Love is when you respect them and their feelings. Love is when you value them. Love is when you’re sincere and loyal to them even on their backs. Love is when you still give time to eachother despite of your busy routine. Love is when you just smile when you look at them. Love is good morning text and good night text. Love is cliche but still its love. Its not about being cliche really its about you’re just showing that you think of them and nothing is better than hearing from that one person that they missed you and were thinking about you. Love is putting a smile on that persons face. Love is sitting with them at the roof top at 2a.m. Love is helping them to sleep when they can’t because they just saw a nightmare, they can’t getover. Love is when you wait for them at dinner. Love is when you do something just to make them smile. Love is taking care of them in every possible way. Love is giving them your cloth so they don’t feel cold. Love is letting them eat from your plate because they liked your food more than what they orederd. Love is never breaking a promise. Love is buying them flowers. Love is leting them watch their favourite show because you’re just happy seeing them happy and excited about that show. Love is listening to their same story for 1000th time becuase you love listening to them and love to see that spark in their eyes when they talk about something they love. Love is walking on the roads while holding hands and showing them off sometimes. Love is being jealous in a good way. Love is being possesive. Love is flirting even when you know you’re married. Love is making love even when you’re unable to speak. Love is being real being what you are in private in public places. Love is noticing every small things and appericiating even if its only about changing your room curtains or putting your favourite tie. Love is calm and patient. Love is crazy and wild. Love is real and fantasy. Love is everything and nothing…
She killed her desires in an urge to make him happy in every possible way. Yet she still failed in satisfying him. She couldn’t be enough for him. When all she wanted to be was the only girl who can make him happy, who can make her feel like home. But she failed. Yet what she couldn’t realized was that in actuall he failed. He failed being a man, a man of his words. He failed and she, she’s now just living with no aims no desires no love. She’s just living for society but is dead inside.
I am waiting for you just like people wait for summers in a cold winter night.
I am waiting for you like a child waits for his birthday so he can get presents. And no doubt you are my present from God.
I am waiting for you like an old man waits for his death.
I am waiting for you like a hungry man waits for food.
I am waiting for you like a sick man waits to get cure.
I am waiting for you like a mom to be waits for her first child.
I am waiting for you like a begger waits to get his money.
I am waiting for you like a hungry child waits to get fed.
I am waiting for you like a nerd waits for his result.
I am waiting for you like a teenage girl, totally in love waits for her first kiss.
Hi. I’m gonna write about this very famous season “13 Reasons Why”.
Well I don’t know why people think that suicide is an option for all their problems. Its not an option and its never gonna be an option. It clearly shows you’re giving up and you lost the battle. When in reailty you can fight back your problems and tell everyone that you’re strong and you won’t give up ever. Just have faith and be patient. Just like your life your problems are also temporary. take a deep breath and find solutions to your problems rather than attempting suicide and making everything more worse. Yes you do make it worse. You become mean by thinking about your own self so you quit. Just for a moment how about you think about your parents, start from your mother who suffered 9 months so she can give birth to a child who commits suicide anyway. Think about your dad who go out on work so he can fullfill your needs and give you happiness in every way possible he do eveything for a child who commits suicide anyway. Before you think about commiting suicide just think about others by others i mean family only, people who love you so much that they can’t afford to lose you.You just can’t commit suicide just because a guy/girl doesn’t like you back so it’s not the end maybe chances are that person is not for you and you’ll get something better? you can’t commit suicide just because you’re poor and you can’t really afford a car a brand new dress for a party or an iphone or something. You should be thankful for what you have and someday you’ll get all those things if you work hard and make yourself something. Things can’t bring you happiness. You need to find, how to make yourself happy in your own way without any person, without anything because everything and everyone is temporary in your life. One day these things won’t bother you which is your worst nightmare right now. Why don’t we think like this? If we want a change in our society we should bring change in ourselves first. Like you can’t just sit with your friends and judge others but it hurts your ” ego” if someone else judges you for the same reason. Irony,isn’t it? Monsters with destructive thoughts. Thats what we have become.
“SINNERS JUDGING SINNERS FOR SINNING DIFFERENTLY” suits us,no? What I have noticed in this season is that the girl ‘Hannah Baker’ , she just wanted to be with someone a friend or a lover maybe but someone who won’t betray her and won’t hurt her feelings. Just because she’s a pretty girl and got nice figure and all.You can’t just label her as ‘Slut’ Goddamnit! Not everyone wants to be the center of attention sometimes someone just want that one person with whom they can be ‘the real them’ on whom they can count on and will know that they’re not gonna judge you instead they’ll tell you what you did wrong and what’s your best habit or something. They’re gonna help you to be a better YOU. It’s so easy to tell your girl not to wear makeup it will attract men, not to go out when its dark because men will think you’re a whore, not to wear clothes which will attract men because they’ll chase you then, not to talk to much because they’ll think you’re desperate, not to laugh so loud because they’ll think you want attention, not to eat so much because no one’s gonna like a fat girl, not to study so much it will hurt your man’s ego. I mean like seriously? why can’t you just tell your boys to not act like a total ass. How about we teach them to respect woman and consider them humans with a heart who have desires, that needs to be fullfilled. Why is this always girls who are supposed to sacrifice? Because she’s a woman? she got no rights? I’m not trying to be feminist here all I am saying is that we should respect women and should value their thoughts. Men say women are difficult to understand,Bullshit! A woman is way to easy to understand because women don’t and can’t really hide their feelings like you can see everything on their face it takes a real man to understand what your woman really wants. If you can’t sign up for this then you’ve got no right to chase her for your own dirty desires. Hannah Baker asked for help from everyone but nobody really helped her just because she wasn’t really bold to tell her problems to everyone, well nobody is. Like you can’t just write all your problems on a paper and print them to post everywhere. Everyone misunderstood her and judged her for being someone she wasn’t. If someone listened to her at the first place she would have never done that. Its not about only Hannah Baker its about every single person who commits suicide because they thought that was the only option left. Who thought of themselves as a problem to the world to their surroundings. What i don’t understand is that why and how can we live with this that we actually hurted someone so bad can you not find that guilt inside you that sepcific ache you feel in your heart whenever you see that person destorying their life and you know you have a huge role in that? Never make a personthink they’re worthless thats the worse thing anyone can feel when they think they’re not enough, they’re not worth it. Every person is beautiful and a good human being with just some bad habits. Don’t unlove someone and let them do this miserable thing ‘suicide’. Because with them you just killed your humanity aswell. Suicide is just a fancy name of murder. Yes it is a murder where you drag that person to a certain point that they think of themselves as a problem to everything so they just die. Don’t kill humanity and don’t kill a living heart who just wants to be loved because its not a crime to feel wanted its every person’s right.Don’t judge anyone for wearing weird clothes maybe its their favourite outfit. Don’t judge someone for being bold and loud maybe they’re raised like that. Don’t judge someone at all unless you’re in their shoes. You see you only know the one side of the story so you can’t judge them on that Peace. xx
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Thoughts 